She had been telling me about her for months. Anna (not her real name). How her pretty blonde hair was worn in pigtails with bows or woven into a long braid. She talked about her all the time, asking when we could go to her house or when she could come play at our house. And after a recent, tearful conversation with my daughter about her desire for “girl friends to play with,” my momma heart was happy to see her so excited about a new friend.
On the morning that I finally caught up with Anna’s mother at preschool drop off, her daughters hair was in those same bouncy pigtails. Mine had requested pigtails as well "just like Anna’s!" I introduced myself to her mother- a lovely and polite woman- and we made tentative plans for a play date in the near future. But the next week at drop off, as my bubbly little girl bounced into the hallway and greeted Anna, the little girl frowned and turned away without even acknowledging her friendly greeting. This of course did not phase my own daughter who has never met a stranger. I tried to brush it off as shyness, and tried not to put too much weight into preschooler antics. But at the end of the day, when I asked Vesper with whom she had played that day she replied “Anna!”. So I asked, "Did Anna talk to you today?" “No,” she breathed her reply. As we walked down the hallway to her classroom the following week, my daughter exclaimed, "Oh I hope Anna is here!" And as she burst into the classroom, she rushed straight over to the little blonde girl with her arms outstretched for a hug. But again the pigtails turned and backed away, the same frown on her face. And just as I was morphing into defensive Momma Bear mode, I heard Vesper tell her, "I'm so glad you're here! I love you so much!" And my heart shattered... Not because it’s difficult to see your child give pure, uninhibited love and be met with silence. Not because I want my daughter to be popular. But my heart broke because I hope she never cares. I hope that she always loves, no matter what. I pray that someday she will choose her friends for their hearts, and not for their hair styles. I pray that the Lord would send her friends with character and wild, messy beauty and glaring flaws because I pray that she would learn to love those flaws and love the flaws within herself. I’m not worried. When I look at my daughter, I don’t see a girl who gives up easily. At three years old, she knows who she is and what she wants and she’s not afraid to go after it. And if she wants to love you, there’s no escaping it. You WILL be loved. And maybe I need to take a page out of that book- to love even when I feel unloved. When everything feels so… unlovely. What would it look like if we chose love every time- gave grace upon grace? I have a feeling it would look rather like the cross. The One who loved even the unloveliest- even those who hated him. The God-man who could have remained on a throne, and yet threw himself among the lowest so that our flaws might be made right. A God that loves purely, without condition, even after we turn away over and over again. And that’s a lesson I want my child to learn. That’s a heart I want her to have. When you gain nothing: love anyway. When you feel unlovely: love anyway. When your heart might burst: love anyway. When you feel run down, worn out, and battered by the world: love anyway. Pure. Uninhibited. Unconditional.
32 Comments
9/14/2015 02:11:08 pm
LOVE. THIS
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I dread the day she actually gets her heart broken. The child has never met a stranger! I think I would rather have a child who has had her heart broken and knows how to manage it, get back up, and love again, than a child whose heart is hardened to the world, don't you? They're the best!!
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Oh Mama-friend. Your precious daughter sounds just like my daughter. My heart constantly breaks for her, the way she easily pours love out to others and the ways she doesn't usually receive that same love back. But, like you, I have seen that she doesn't let it stop her. And when we have talked it over, my ever wise 5 year old reminds me that "We love everyone." And that's it.
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9/14/2015 10:06:50 pm
oh man you're a way nicer mommy than i am. i don't know how to turn the mama bear off!!!
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hahaha! It's really hard, trust me... my instinct was to hunt down her momma and confront her, but honestly, I think the girl was just really super shy and didn't want to be friends with my kid. And that's FINE. Not everyone is going to like her. It's a lesson she'll have to learn too :)
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Ohhhh what a sweet baby girl you have! I have to admit, my son is like little miss pigtails. He's really shy at first (even to people he knows and loves) and won't run up to anyone for a hug. Maybe pigtails warms up after you've dropped little lady off. ;) I love the thought behind this, though, and I hope she continues to love on people too. :)
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 11:20:48 am
It's so funny to watch them stumble through their first social situations! It's also sort of cringe-worthy, right? Like you want to constantly interrupt and help!
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9/16/2015 10:29:12 am
I love this. I have all of these same worries right now. It does't seem like my daughter is finding her place yet and all the kids seem to already know each other some how and my heart is breaking for her. Thanks for helping me see that I am not alone.
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 11:23:30 am
It's been extra difficult for us bc all the other kids are there multiple days each week and we only go once a week. It's like you said- all the other kids are friends! But she's just floating around being A friend to everyone ❤️
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9/16/2015 11:10:36 am
Perfect! If all of us adults would just do this, oh how great the world would be. This is such a great lesson and I hope she doesn't care and always continues to love!
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 11:24:22 am
Totally agree! What a difference it would make!
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 09:11:45 pm
You're so welcome! Thanks for reading!
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 09:12:12 pm
Thank you! She really is the sweetest thing...
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9/16/2015 08:35:27 pm
I actually just cried. My daughter is just like yours, the friendliest little girl, and just entered preschool. It's my constant fear that this will happen to her. I just want to protect her from everything!
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 09:13:15 pm
I know! It's so hard to just sit back and let them figure it out!
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 09:14:00 pm
It's amazing how much I learn from my children, even though I'm supposed to be the one teaching them!
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Chelsea
9/16/2015 09:14:54 pm
It just makes me cringe and want to run over and interrupt and help her! It's hard to stand back and let her learn, but I know it's worth it in the end.
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9/16/2015 09:53:16 pm
its amazing the lessons our little ones can teach us. I hope your sweet girl continues to love anyway. <3
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Tamara
9/16/2015 10:45:07 pm
Your daughter and mine sound like two peas in a pod, kindred spirits. I've been praying the same prayer. Especially with her having just started preschool. I worry that her open hearted love will be crushed by others.
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9/22/2015 01:15:28 pm
What a beautiful post; so well written and so insightful. You're doing a great job!
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9/22/2015 10:25:37 pm
You have such a way with words and are a wonderful story teller, even though the story is sad. I hope she loves anyways also. What a beautiful heart and soul she has!
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10/1/2015 10:31:57 pm
"When you gain nothing: love anyway.
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AuthorMy name is Chelsea. Redeemed. Wife. Mommy. Photographer. Light Chaser. I hope you find light here too. Archives
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